


rand der welt

by orphan_account



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Crushes, Fluff I think, Hickeys, M/M, Pansexual Character, Truth or Dare, a little angst maybe, and v awkward boners, bi!jonas, it's just v hard to show it, mahdi loves jonas alot, pan!mahdi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 19:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10974306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You look good in white," Jonas mumbles, turning his head to bury his face in Mahdi's chest and making his heart flutter in the process. "You should always wear white.""Would you kiss me if I did?" And he's so relieved by the fact that Jonas just laughs without saying anything, because he really didn't mean to say that out loud. "Kidding."//Or: Mahdi's in love with Jonas. He's not sure how to handle it. Pizza eating, drunk conversations, hickeys, and awkward boners ensue.//





	rand der welt

**Author's Note:**

> i love my pansexual child mahdi disi also im sorry if this is ooc bc i had a rly hard time writing from mahdis pov <3 (title from the great song rand der welt - stereoact, jakob wiss)

"I'm not straight," Mahdi says, and it doesn't even scare him. Jonas is kind and understanding, and his best friend of all time is gay, and Mahdi's not worried about this. He's not worried about being attracted to both girls and guys and people who are neither, but his heart still beats a little faster when he thinks of everything else Jonas doesn't know. The things almost no one knows about him.

Jonas smiles at him, takes another bite of his kebabpizza ("honestly, Mahdi, pizza without kebab is just a big sandwich"), then looks up at him again and takes a sip from the huge can of coke in front of him.

"Me neither," he says, and Mahdi doesn't ask. He doesn't feel like it's necessary to, because if Jonas wants to explain, then he can. Mahdi won't have to pressure him. "I slept with a guy three weeks ago."

And it doesn't make him jealous, it doesn't. Just a little bit. The thing is, though, that he doesn't know if he's jealous of Jonas, or the people he sleeps with. Because yeah, he'd like to try it with a guy, but it's terrifying. With girls, it's easy. He knows what to expect, he knows how to act, he knows how to put up with rejection from them. With others, though? He has no idea.

He's tried, one time at a party, but his hands got a little bit too sweaty and no matter how much he talked to the guy, he just couldn't flirt. He didn't know what to say, what body language to use, how to interpret what the other guy was saying, and he ended up sitting on the couch alone because he wasn't really in the mood to hook up with a girl. (And maybe, just maybe, he wished Jonas would sit down next to him so he could be with him instead.)

"It's nice to be with a guy," Jonas says, nodding to himself. "If he's kind, of course."

"What was his name?"

"Max. Tall fucking guy, swedish I think."

Mahdi nods. He thinks he remembers a Max from a Bakka-party, but he's not sure. There was a group of tall guys there, maybe he was one of them? In that case, he was hot, because all of them wore these tight, almost see-through T-shirts, showing off their chest and biceps.

"Does Isak know? Or Magnus? Or anyone?"

"Nah. I didn't feel like telling anyone, you know? It's not that big of a deal."

Jonas has been eating the same slice for ages, it seems, and Mahdi honestly wants to push it into his mouth so he won't have to see him chew for longer because god, the white sauce on his lips is driving him crazy and Mahdi's hands are unconsciously gripping the table and-

"What about you, then?" Jonas continues, so painfully unaware of Mahdi's thoughts, all happy and smiley with that damn pizza slice. "You ever been with a guy?"

"Nah," Mahdi shrugs, trying to look as relaxed as possible and letting his hands fall back to his lap. "Not yet. Haven't found a good one." ("You, you're the good one I'm looking for," he doesn't say.)

"You'll find someone, don't worry."

-

Two weeks later, he comes out to the boys, and it's chill. Magnus is as excited as always, and yeah, his questions are weird and uncomfortable, but it's okay because Jonas is there, answering them all when Mahdi's busy with being hugged by both Even and Isak.

It's warm and it's soft and it's safe. He's safe and Even's grinning, he can feel it, and Isak looks like he's about to cry about the same thing he's been regretting for months. ("I can't believe I was afraid of coming out. Christ, you didn't even care.")

He doesn't even know if the others understand what he's coming out as. It's all lost in a blur of cheers and promises to hook him up with a hot italian guy and friendly punches on his arm, but at least he knows now.

Pansexual. It doesn't even feel strange to think about anymore. In the beginning, it did. Even if he likes to think he's a pretty woke guy, he still wouldn't put himself in a box that wasn't straight, gay, or bi. But pansexual is nice, open, he doesn't have to choose any sides or whatever.

Jonas doesn't come out, not in the same way, at least. He only tells them about how fucking hot that guy he slept with was, and that's it. Mahdi wishes he could do that, tell them all casually about someone he hooked up with, who happened to not be a girl, but that's not possible and right now, he just wants to be able to talk to his friends about everyone he finds hot, not just the ones he's expected to salivate over.

Afterwards, on their way to Isak's and Even's apartment, Even walks a bit behind everyone else and signals for Mahdi to come join him so they can talk in private. He's still smiling, but this time, his cheeks are a bit red, so it might be from something else, more Isak-related.

"Pansexual, huh?" he asks, laying an arm over Mahdi's shoulder, and Mahdi just stupidly nods. He can't even help smiling when he looks up at him, because how good karma did he have to get these amazing friends?

"I have a problem with making decisions, I can't choose who to like," he grins, and Even nods, one eyebrow raised almost all the way up to his hairline. "Nah, I just don't want to exclude anything, you know. No pressure."

"Nice. Always keep your horizons open, I get it."  
They walk in silence for a bit, watching Magnus jump around, trying not to step on the lines of the pavement, and Isak riding Jonas's back like a little child, until Even starts talking again. "So, is there someone special?"

And he doesn't know why he's feeling shy all of a sudden. He's not a shy person, he's never embarrassed about anything, but it's just the way Even looks at him like he knows everything there is to know about him that makes him look down on their moving feet, like they're the most interesting thing in the world.

"No. Haven't found anyone yet."

(In front of them, Jonas jumps on top of Isak's back instead, and Mahdi's mesmerized by the way his curls bounce until he walks straight into Magnus, who's tying his shoe.)

-

He's drunk. At least he thinks he is, because his mind is all fuzzy and he's unnaturally warm, sweat pooling pretty much everywhere like it's 40 degrees, when it's actually 19. He can't even take his phone out of his pocket because of the sweat.

There's someone next to him, someone with long hair and soft arms and a hoarse voice, and he can't tell if they look good or not. It doesn't really matter, though, he doesn't care. It's not like he's going to hook up with someone tonight, not when he's feeling like he's going to throw up at any second.

No, really. He's going to throw up soon and he needs to get out. Now.

His head spins even more when he stands up and there's white flashing in front of his eyes and his knees suddenly feel very, very unsteady underneath him. He wishes he could hold onto someone, but everyone's dancing and they're so loud and it just makes everything hurt more.

He manages to get out without falling even once (although he stumbles alot), and as soon as he feels the fresh air, his stomach instantly calms down. He sits down on the couch on the porch, leans back on the pillows and just breathes.

In and out, in and out, in. Then out again. The air is cold in his lungs, making everything a bit clearer but still not clear enough. It makes everything stop flashing but it doesn't stop it from spinning and he has to close his eyes to make the nausea stay away.

"Hey," someone says, sitting down next to him and rubbing his thigh and fuck. It's Jonas. "Did you drink too much?"

"No," Mahdi groans and hides his face in in his hands. "Maybe. Fuck."

"We should probably go home, huh? I need to get away from some girl I hooked up with, anyways."

"Why? She not pretty enough?"

Jonas huffs and shakes his head before leaning on Mahdi completely. His curls are all over his face, some of them in his mouth, but most of them tickling his neck, and it just feels so comfortable and soft and everything slows down like he's on the verge of sleeping.

"I think I'm too drunk."

"Oh. Me too."

("I still know I want to kiss you, though," stays in his mind.)

The music is still pounding out of the speakers, the deep bass vibrating in Mahdi's rib cage, and it feels like his hands are vibrating as well as they card through Jonas's curls and stroke his cheeks (which are burning from the alcohol and warmth and weed and Mahdi never wants to leave this position).

"You look good in white," Jonas mumbles, turning his head to bury his face in Mahdi's chest and making his heart flutter in the process. "You should always wear white."

"Would you kiss me if I did?" And he's so relieved by the fact that Jonas just laughs without saying anything, because he really didn't mean to say that out loud. "Kidding."

"I would, though. Totally."

"Whatever."

-

They don't talk about it after that. They both act like they were too drunk to remember what they were talking about, but Mahdi knows Jonas remembers. Because he's so much more touchy than before.

And it's not like Mahdi complains. He loves having Jonas always standing close to him, their arms brushing against each other, loves sitting next to him with their thighs pressed together, loves Jonas always greeting him with two cheek kisses.

They don't go too far, though. Never further than sitting in the other's lap, because that can still be passed off as platonic and it won't force them to admit their feelings to themselves. Mahdi's not in love with his best friend. He's just jealous when he touches other people, when he kisses strangers, when someone gets too close to him. He just loves him alot.

And yeah, it hurts when they go to parties and Jonas makes out with another guy because hell, Mahdi's a guy, too. Isn't he good enough? Does Jonas really need to find a blonde stranger at a boring party because he wants to hook up with someone so badly, when Mahdi's right there?

It doesn't make sense, and Even doesn't seem to think it does, either, because everytime it happens, he's there to cheer Mahdi up and tell him that it's fine, Jonas will come to terms with his feelings soon, don't worry, and he does that even when Mahdi's smiling and laughing because he sees. He sees everything and if that isn't comforting, he doesn't know what is.

("I'm not in love with him," Mahdi says, and Even shakes his head, strokes his arm, raises his eyebrows.

"Of course not. But he's in love with you, you know."

"I wish.")

-

"Truth or dare, Mahdi?" Isak asks, and Mahdi knows he's royally fucked.

Truth is mostly a safe bet, because he's not the one to get embarrassed easily, but now, when his friends have been pestering him with questions about his love life for ages? It doesn't seem like the best idea. It seems like a terrible idea, actually.

"Dare," he answers, but regrets it as soon as he sees Isak's eyes flicker to Jonas and then back to him, and when he realizes that Even is asleep and not there to stop Isak from telling him to do something way too stupid.

"Alright. I dare you to give Jonas a hickey," he grins, his right eyebrow raised just like Even's always is, and Mahdi breathes out because it could be worse, it could- "on the back of his thigh." And it can't get any worse.

He can see Jonas tensing his jaw and taking a sharp breath, and he can feel himself doing the same. Both Isak and Magnus snicker, like this is the funniest thing in the world, and Chris and Eva both look like they're going to see a miracle happen live.

"It's fine," he tells himself, then turns to Jonas and makes him look at him before trying to convince him as well. "Whatever. Let's just get this over with."

Jonas nods, breathes, turns around to give Mahdi access to his thighs, and Mahdi's heart almost stops. He can see how Jonas is trying to play it off, laughing, giving Isak the finger, but he's so tense. He's so tense underneath Mahdi's hands as he starts pulling down his shorts, and it's so understandable.

"I'm hairy, just so you know," Jonas tries to say with laughter in his voice, and the others probably fall for it, but Mahdi can hear the insecurity and nervousity. "We're really doing this, huh?"

"It's a dare, so. Yeah, I guess so."

When the jean shorts pass over Jonas's ass, Mahdi's breath hitches in his throat and he just wants to touch and bite and lick and suck, and when he realizes that it's exactly what he's about to do, he nearly passes out right there on the floor.

"Breathe," Isak giggles, nudging his waist with his elbow. "It's just a hickey."

"Shut up, man. Afterwards, I'm going to force you to give Magnus a lap dance."

"Please, no!"

The rest of the group erupts into laughter, but Jonas is completely silent and so is Mahdi, the only noise being the heartbeat in his ears. He moves back a little to gain better access, leans down to get closer to Jonas, his hands on either side of his hips.

"Ready?" he asks, and Jonas hums, muffled by his own arm, his eyes closed like he can't possibly handle this. "Fuck. Okay."

He leans even further, and then his lips are pressed against Jonas's soft, soft thigh, right where his white Calvin Kleins end, the ones that make him look so golden. He's just about to open his mouth to just give a kitten lick to his skin, but Magnus, both drunk and high, probably, stops him.

"Not there," he says, then points at a spot closer to Jonas's inner thigh, making Jonas flinch and gasp a little bit. "Do it there instead. It's more sensitive."

Mahdi nods, placing his mouth over the spot where Magnus's fingers were placed, immediately eliciting a (tiny, but still there) whimper from Jonas, and fuck. He wants to cry, he wants to have this forever, wants to always have Jonas underneath him. Slowly, he lets his tongue run over the skin, and when he's finally found a good spot, he sucks.

He can tell how it's affecting Jonas, how he's discreetly pushing his hips against the pillow underneath him, and fuck, if that isn't the most arousing thing, Mahdi doesn't know what is. His fingers are trembling, wishing to get under Jonas's boxer briefs and touch the parts of him that no one else gets to touch.

And god, he smells so much like boy. Cologne and spring rain and a bed right after someone's slept in it and a bit like sweat, but Mahdi doesn't mind because it's Jonas, it's him he's sucking on like his life depends on it and he's so in love with him. He's so in love with his best friend. Jesus.

"Fuck," Jonas mumbles, one hand on Mahdi's head, pressing it closer to him, and Mahdi just lets him.

He tastes so good, nothing like the strangers he's hooked up with at parties, and maybe it's because he isn't close to throwing up, but he wants to spend his entire night with him. He wants to grind against him until he comes because he's so painfully hard, then sleep next to him with his face buried in his chest, all warm and quiet and peaceful.

"Jonas," he murmurs, unable to stop himself from speaking. "So good. Taste so good."

He lets his tongue swivel around, feeling the tiny hairs and the warm skin in his mouth, and carefully bites down on it, just to feel the pressure on his teeth.

"Shit. Fuck, Mahdi. Don't-, fuck, don't stop."

And Mahdi doesn't intend on ever stopping, but then, someone clears their throat, bringing him out of his own little bubble that only consists of him and Jonas, and he reluctantly removes his lips from his thigh to sit up properly. He barely dares to look at Jonas, but when he does, he can see how crimson his cheeks are and how utterly vulnerable he looks, and his heart aches.

"Sorry," Mahdi says, cracking a little smile to show that no, this is not affecting him, he's okay.

"Shit, Jonas," Eva grins, incredibly drunk already. "You probably just have to blink and Mahdi will come in his pants."

And Mahdi doesn't even have the energy to protect his dignity. He just shakes his head and leans back against the couch's backrest, his lips all swollen and his head spinning a bit from Jonas's scent still filling his nose.

"It's your turn to ask!" Chris lets him know, one foot nudging his shin. "Choose which one."

He thinks for a while, then looks at Jonas with half-lidded eyes. "Jonas, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Jonas mutters without hesitation, nodding to himself. He has a pillow in his lap, obviously trying to hide his hard-on, and one of his hands is underneath his thigh, probably feeling the bruise Mahdi just left.

"Alright. Can you- I dare you to sleep in my arms tonight. Please, let me keep you warm."

"I will."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! please leave comments and kudos if you liked it, it means so so much and makes me so happy <333


End file.
